Why has it been so long since I last updated my blog? Is it because, every time I tell myself that I will, I always end up with even less motivation than before. Or do I just have no motivation at all?
It's the same with my coursework. Usually I'm keen to do it, and enjoy it. But this holiday it's just been a chore. I've only got one thing on my mind... The school production of 'His Dark Materials'.
I've just realised that it's been so long since I updated that no-one will have any idea what I am talking about...
My drama teacher has decided to put on a production of Philip Pullman's 'His Dark Materials'. It will be performed in January/February and the auditions were held a couple of weeks before the end of term. I did a general audition for an adult part (having read the books, I find the adult characters much more interesting), and then got a call-back. I had to do another audition as Mrs Coulter, with my drama teacher giving me advice as I went along.
Before the auditions, I didn't have any particular part in mind that I wanted. But after the second audition I realised that I was desperate for the part of Mrs Coulter. I mean REALLY desperate.
I assumed that I would find out whether or not I had the part by the time the summer holidays rolled around, given the number of lines that some of the actors will need to learn. But all I got was a message from my drama teacher telling me that we would find out some time in September.
It's been so frustating not having any idea of where I stand in this. Inevitably, it as led to me sinking back into my old worrying about my weight. I've been eating the same kinds of foods I was about a year ago (which basically consists of simply cereal and humous), whereas a couple of months ago I had begun to eat things like cheese and chocolate again. Now I can't even stand seeing people eating them. I've been standing infront of the mirror analysing how much my stomach sticks out. Even though I have been eating less, I still feel fatter than before.
It doesn't help that Nicole Kidman is going to be playing Mrs Coulter in the film. How do I know that my drama teacher isn't sitting at home thinking that he was stupid to even call me back for an audition because I'm too fat. Maybe he'll change his mind, if it was ever even made up in the first place.
What have I done this holiday? Went on a week-long creative residential, which was amazing but now I keep thinking that it can't have been real it was so much fun. And then I spent a week in Wales with my family, which was not inspiring in anyway.
I've started a new novel, it seems to be going OK.
But I can only think about His Dark Materials, and getting back to school.
Sunday, 19 August 2007
Thursday, 26 July 2007
Beckett Part Two
Sorry, I'm evil for leaving it so long!
Part two of the ArtsAward update.
The main thing I was scared about was blinking.
The people doing 'Play' were also very nervous, because one thing could disrupt their entire performance, as rhythm is very important. I was then suddenly struck by another fear- falling asleep due to the rocking! And also falling out of the chair, or my feet falling off the footrest (not quite sure how that would happen).
When 'Happy Days' was being performed by Ophelia, Gracie put more powder on my face and hair and then during 'Play' we just waited on the other side of the door. We couldn't really hear what was going on, and we couldn't see anything so I had no idea if it was all going ok.
Then it was time for me and Gracie to go on stage. Even though it would be just me performing first, Gracie deided to stand in the shadows behind me to enable a quicker and smoother change-over half way through- so it could almost be incorprated into the play.
It was going very well, I did the pause, said 'More' in a good voice and (I think) managed to do the entire first part rocking in time without blinking. When the recording got to 'Time She Stopped' I stopped the rocking chair and waited my pause before saying 'More'. But then part one of the recording started playing again, rather than part two. I was quite thrown off, but managed to continue (admittedly, the rocking motion is the same for all the parts) but I think I may have said 'Time she Stopped' in the wrong place by accident, and I blinked once or twice so it wasn't very good at all.
Then it got to the time when I was supposed to change places with Gracie. I realised that I had to make a choice; stay on longer for part two, or change and let the play continue from part three. I chose the latter, because otherwise the performance would have gone on for a long time, and also because I thought I heard someone say the word 'Change' from behind me (where all the technical stuff was taking place). Looking back, I suppose the person who said 'change' could have equally been saying 'don't change' but at the time I just acted on impulse. So then I stood in the shadows behind the rocking chair for ten minutes whilst Gracie did her part, then we left the stage and went back into room 105.
I was very disappointed that it had gone wrong because I had been convinced before the performance that I'd mess up and I did end up saying 'Time she stopped' in the wrong place. I was trying not to cry but of course I ended up crying (as usual) when Dan gave me a hug. I was told that the technical error wouldn't be marked against me as it wasn't within my control, and as long as they had the recording of my voice and the recording of me in the rocking chair then they would assess me on those, but it still felt like a mistake on my behalf.
Looking back, I'm still quite disappointed I didn't do as well as I could have done, but there's not much I can do about it now and at least I got to wear a cool costume (we did look scary)!
Part two of the ArtsAward update.
The main thing I was scared about was blinking.
The people doing 'Play' were also very nervous, because one thing could disrupt their entire performance, as rhythm is very important. I was then suddenly struck by another fear- falling asleep due to the rocking! And also falling out of the chair, or my feet falling off the footrest (not quite sure how that would happen).
When 'Happy Days' was being performed by Ophelia, Gracie put more powder on my face and hair and then during 'Play' we just waited on the other side of the door. We couldn't really hear what was going on, and we couldn't see anything so I had no idea if it was all going ok.
Then it was time for me and Gracie to go on stage. Even though it would be just me performing first, Gracie deided to stand in the shadows behind me to enable a quicker and smoother change-over half way through- so it could almost be incorprated into the play.
It was going very well, I did the pause, said 'More' in a good voice and (I think) managed to do the entire first part rocking in time without blinking. When the recording got to 'Time She Stopped' I stopped the rocking chair and waited my pause before saying 'More'. But then part one of the recording started playing again, rather than part two. I was quite thrown off, but managed to continue (admittedly, the rocking motion is the same for all the parts) but I think I may have said 'Time she Stopped' in the wrong place by accident, and I blinked once or twice so it wasn't very good at all.
Then it got to the time when I was supposed to change places with Gracie. I realised that I had to make a choice; stay on longer for part two, or change and let the play continue from part three. I chose the latter, because otherwise the performance would have gone on for a long time, and also because I thought I heard someone say the word 'Change' from behind me (where all the technical stuff was taking place). Looking back, I suppose the person who said 'change' could have equally been saying 'don't change' but at the time I just acted on impulse. So then I stood in the shadows behind the rocking chair for ten minutes whilst Gracie did her part, then we left the stage and went back into room 105.
I was very disappointed that it had gone wrong because I had been convinced before the performance that I'd mess up and I did end up saying 'Time she stopped' in the wrong place. I was trying not to cry but of course I ended up crying (as usual) when Dan gave me a hug. I was told that the technical error wouldn't be marked against me as it wasn't within my control, and as long as they had the recording of my voice and the recording of me in the rocking chair then they would assess me on those, but it still felt like a mistake on my behalf.
Looking back, I'm still quite disappointed I didn't do as well as I could have done, but there's not much I can do about it now and at least I got to wear a cool costume (we did look scary)!
Wednesday, 11 July 2007
Beckett Performance
I've taken a while to update on this for the simple reason that I've needed time to calm down and think it over.
It went well, and it also went not so well. I went round to Gracie's house at 4 o'clock, with all the things we'd need such as my costume (Gracie had hers- after a wednesday rush arund every charity shop in eastbourne in search of a black dress), the powder for our faces and the recording. We decided to aim to be at school by quarter to six, as we needed to be there by six at the latest. We changed into our costumes, and then Gracie did my hair by putting water in it, pulling it into a bun (painful) and then putting powder in it to make it look grey. Then she did the same to her hair, and it came out looking more grey because my hair is too dark to turn properly grey. We put powder on our faces to make ourselves look paler, which was quite dificult to do because I either ended up not looking pale enough, or looking like a ghost- neither of which was the desired effect. But we finally managed to get it right. Gracie then attempted to put eyeliner on me but it didn't really work so we decided it would be better not to bother incase it made me blink during the performance. I was also a bit worried about the powder because it made me sneeze and I was scared that I'd sneeze or blink in an obvious way during the performance because of it.
Getting ready actually took over an hour, and then we had a run through by playing the CD and just practising not blinking. I found that if I didn't wear my glasses or contacts then I was able to unfocus my eyes which resulted in me needing to blink less. I also managed to perfect saying 'Time She Stopped' in all the right places. We picked up Gracie's footrest for the performance and ot to school by 5:40. Some other people were already there getting ready so we didn't have to do very much except put the footrest in the performance area- seeing it all set up was rather terrifying.
Then at six o'clock Mr Sibley told us how the evening was going to run, and we looked at the running order on the board... and saw that we were last! Seeing as one of the themes in 'Rockaby' is death and the end, then i did seem fitting that we would be going last.
During the first half we got to sit in the audience area and watch 'Rough for Theatre' by Sam and Ben, 'Footfalls' by Tashi (which also had a lot of recording in it), 'Endgame' by Ben and Jo and Ben and Eve and then by Dan and Tom and 'Catastrophe' by George, Abi and Lewes. They were all really good and looked professional with all the lighting. There was also a whistling sound from where the wind was hitting the roof and windows, it was all pretty atmospheric!
Then there was an interval, and in the second half I had to stay in room 105 to wait for my performance time.
I got quite nervous whilst waiting. The main thing I was scared about was blinking...
Find out more tomorrow!
It went well, and it also went not so well. I went round to Gracie's house at 4 o'clock, with all the things we'd need such as my costume (Gracie had hers- after a wednesday rush arund every charity shop in eastbourne in search of a black dress), the powder for our faces and the recording. We decided to aim to be at school by quarter to six, as we needed to be there by six at the latest. We changed into our costumes, and then Gracie did my hair by putting water in it, pulling it into a bun (painful) and then putting powder in it to make it look grey. Then she did the same to her hair, and it came out looking more grey because my hair is too dark to turn properly grey. We put powder on our faces to make ourselves look paler, which was quite dificult to do because I either ended up not looking pale enough, or looking like a ghost- neither of which was the desired effect. But we finally managed to get it right. Gracie then attempted to put eyeliner on me but it didn't really work so we decided it would be better not to bother incase it made me blink during the performance. I was also a bit worried about the powder because it made me sneeze and I was scared that I'd sneeze or blink in an obvious way during the performance because of it.
Getting ready actually took over an hour, and then we had a run through by playing the CD and just practising not blinking. I found that if I didn't wear my glasses or contacts then I was able to unfocus my eyes which resulted in me needing to blink less. I also managed to perfect saying 'Time She Stopped' in all the right places. We picked up Gracie's footrest for the performance and ot to school by 5:40. Some other people were already there getting ready so we didn't have to do very much except put the footrest in the performance area- seeing it all set up was rather terrifying.
Then at six o'clock Mr Sibley told us how the evening was going to run, and we looked at the running order on the board... and saw that we were last! Seeing as one of the themes in 'Rockaby' is death and the end, then i did seem fitting that we would be going last.
During the first half we got to sit in the audience area and watch 'Rough for Theatre' by Sam and Ben, 'Footfalls' by Tashi (which also had a lot of recording in it), 'Endgame' by Ben and Jo and Ben and Eve and then by Dan and Tom and 'Catastrophe' by George, Abi and Lewes. They were all really good and looked professional with all the lighting. There was also a whistling sound from where the wind was hitting the roof and windows, it was all pretty atmospheric!
Then there was an interval, and in the second half I had to stay in room 105 to wait for my performance time.
I got quite nervous whilst waiting. The main thing I was scared about was blinking...
Find out more tomorrow!
Friday, 6 July 2007
Arts Award
Last Tuesday (yes I've been lazy again)
I turned up to drama club today expecting to be able to practise 'Rockaby' with Gracie. I bought in the rocking chair that I will be using, and it has been put in the garage until it is needed for the performance/dress rehearsal. However, Gracie wasn't at drama so instead I helped Dan practise his plays (he is doing part of Endgame) because his partner wasn't there. I played the part of the servant 'Clov', as Dan is going to be performing as 'Hamm', the blind master. I enjoyed rehearsing with Dan, because I hadn't really seen him rehearsing before so it was good to look at the play.
We then all watched Becky, Sam and Ophelia perform 'Mother Figure' which is about two bickering neighbours going to visit the Mother who lives next door. She treats them like children, which causes them to bicker and then make-up in a very childlike way (basically, they become more childlike as the play progresses). It had some very funny moments, and they will be performing it to the public next wednesday (out Beckett pieces are on Thursday). I am starting to feel quite nervous, because we can't really practise until we have the CD.
This Tuesday
Gracie was at the rehearsal today, but we still don't have the CD so we read through each other's lines whilst the other practised rocking in time (quite difficult considering the rocking chair is still in the garage). We found that it wasn't too difficult to get the timing right, but it was more difficult not being able to blink. I need to practise just sitting and not blinking, and also making sure that I am completely focused on one point, because I found that I ot distracted quite a bit. The main problem seems to be that when I deliberately try not to blink, I always seem to end up needing to blink more. I have decided that I won't wear my glasses or my contact lenses during the performance, as doing so enables me to unfocus my eyes, so I dont need to blink as much. And I am allowed to blink when I am rocking backwards (as my face is only in the light when I rock forwards).
I also bought in my costume, so that Gracie has an idea of what the dress needs to look like. Its black velvet and its got a high lacy neck and these glittery bead things. I'm also going to put sequins on it, as that is what is stated on the costume description.
I turned up to drama club today expecting to be able to practise 'Rockaby' with Gracie. I bought in the rocking chair that I will be using, and it has been put in the garage until it is needed for the performance/dress rehearsal. However, Gracie wasn't at drama so instead I helped Dan practise his plays (he is doing part of Endgame) because his partner wasn't there. I played the part of the servant 'Clov', as Dan is going to be performing as 'Hamm', the blind master. I enjoyed rehearsing with Dan, because I hadn't really seen him rehearsing before so it was good to look at the play.
We then all watched Becky, Sam and Ophelia perform 'Mother Figure' which is about two bickering neighbours going to visit the Mother who lives next door. She treats them like children, which causes them to bicker and then make-up in a very childlike way (basically, they become more childlike as the play progresses). It had some very funny moments, and they will be performing it to the public next wednesday (out Beckett pieces are on Thursday). I am starting to feel quite nervous, because we can't really practise until we have the CD.
This Tuesday
Gracie was at the rehearsal today, but we still don't have the CD so we read through each other's lines whilst the other practised rocking in time (quite difficult considering the rocking chair is still in the garage). We found that it wasn't too difficult to get the timing right, but it was more difficult not being able to blink. I need to practise just sitting and not blinking, and also making sure that I am completely focused on one point, because I found that I ot distracted quite a bit. The main problem seems to be that when I deliberately try not to blink, I always seem to end up needing to blink more. I have decided that I won't wear my glasses or my contact lenses during the performance, as doing so enables me to unfocus my eyes, so I dont need to blink as much. And I am allowed to blink when I am rocking backwards (as my face is only in the light when I rock forwards).
I also bought in my costume, so that Gracie has an idea of what the dress needs to look like. Its black velvet and its got a high lacy neck and these glittery bead things. I'm also going to put sequins on it, as that is what is stated on the costume description.
Saturday, 30 June 2007
Arts Award
A long overdue update.
2 Weeks Ago
Not many people turned up for rehearsal today. This resulted in Mr Sibley and the cast of Palach (me included) to come to the decision that we'd have to call off the performance. It's disappointing because I spent the week learning my lines, and I really like the play. However, it makes sense because if people didn't show up today then it is unlikely they will come next week (due to work experience) and the play still needs a lot of work before it's ready to perform. There may always be another opportunity in my life to take part in a performance of Palach, and if that does arise and I am playing the part of the Mum then I will be well prepared!
So, instead of running through Palach, Gracie and I recorded the script for our Beckett performance (we are doing 'Rockaby', which is pretty much entirely recorded). This ended in arm ache, due to the fact that the person who wasn't reading was moving their arm every four seconds to indicate to the other when to speak! I did it wrong the first time, and I forgot to do the voice. But someone (fortunately) interupted the recording so we had to start again. Under most circumstances this would have been annoying, but given my bad performance it made me very relieved.
The recording is not done, and all that needs to be done is to put the pauses and echo effects into it. I am not sure when this will be done.
2 Weeks Ago
Not many people turned up for rehearsal today. This resulted in Mr Sibley and the cast of Palach (me included) to come to the decision that we'd have to call off the performance. It's disappointing because I spent the week learning my lines, and I really like the play. However, it makes sense because if people didn't show up today then it is unlikely they will come next week (due to work experience) and the play still needs a lot of work before it's ready to perform. There may always be another opportunity in my life to take part in a performance of Palach, and if that does arise and I am playing the part of the Mum then I will be well prepared!
So, instead of running through Palach, Gracie and I recorded the script for our Beckett performance (we are doing 'Rockaby', which is pretty much entirely recorded). This ended in arm ache, due to the fact that the person who wasn't reading was moving their arm every four seconds to indicate to the other when to speak! I did it wrong the first time, and I forgot to do the voice. But someone (fortunately) interupted the recording so we had to start again. Under most circumstances this would have been annoying, but given my bad performance it made me very relieved.
The recording is not done, and all that needs to be done is to put the pauses and echo effects into it. I am not sure when this will be done.
The Best Day of My Life
I thought I'd blog about the best day of my life, which was the Thirsday just gone.
I went with one of my friends (Dan) and my drama teacher to collect a school award. We went it my drama teacher's car and it was the best thing I've ever done. On the way there I was sitting in the front naviating, and Dan was listeneing to is music in the back so me and my drama teacher just talked. We talked about Brecht, and then I told him about Jenny (my companion) and he seemed to understand, which is weird because I've never told anyone about Jenny before today (she lives far away). What was even more surprising was the fact that he seemed to understand, and we beleived that similar things were real. And we listened to some music but there wasn't but good stuff on the radio. We talked about how nice it would be to do a parachute jump. It was the best conversation I've ever had. (He even told me that Noddy the cartoon character is asexual!)
We got to the venue early, so he bought us a coffee. I told him it was my first coffee and he laughed and then him and Dan talked whilst I just drank. Then Dan went to the loo and I smiled at my drama teacher and said that this was my first coffee and that it was like a rite of passage. He just looked at me and told me that he was glad it was a rite of passage that he was taking me on.
The actual award thing was boring, nothing happened.
he journey back was amaazing. I was in the back because Dan was navigating but he got us lost so we were cruising through Brighton with the windows down listeneing to Sugar Babes 'push the button' really loudly. It was so funny. Then it turned out he also had 'Fuck It (I don't want you back)' on his ipod so we listened to that (its a british song, if you haven't heard it search it on yahoo or something) and we were all singing along really loudly and it was the best moment of my life.
Now I can't stop drinking coffee (I didn't get to sleep until three in the morning last night) and I have set the Eamon song as my myspace music. I've also changed all the music on my ipod, a lot of it is now songs we listened to that day.
Since then I have started a book thing. Its not like a diary really, but in many ways it holds the emotions that many people's diaries hold. Its just quotes, things that people say and some things that I say. Here's some of the stuff from that day:
In Costa: "How do I drink it? Do I just pick it up?" (Me- about my coffee)
"Yes." (Dan and drama teacher)
"What? All of it?" (me)
In the car on the way back: "This is perfect, I wish we could drive like this and listen to music forever" (me)
"You'd get bored" (drama teacher)
"I swear I wouldn't!" (me)
In the foyer at the award place: "They took Noddy of air." (Dan)
"Why?" (Me)
"Because it was racist" (drama teacher)
"I could have sworn it was because Noddy slept with Big-Ears!"(Dan)
I went with one of my friends (Dan) and my drama teacher to collect a school award. We went it my drama teacher's car and it was the best thing I've ever done. On the way there I was sitting in the front naviating, and Dan was listeneing to is music in the back so me and my drama teacher just talked. We talked about Brecht, and then I told him about Jenny (my companion) and he seemed to understand, which is weird because I've never told anyone about Jenny before today (she lives far away). What was even more surprising was the fact that he seemed to understand, and we beleived that similar things were real. And we listened to some music but there wasn't but good stuff on the radio. We talked about how nice it would be to do a parachute jump. It was the best conversation I've ever had. (He even told me that Noddy the cartoon character is asexual!)
We got to the venue early, so he bought us a coffee. I told him it was my first coffee and he laughed and then him and Dan talked whilst I just drank. Then Dan went to the loo and I smiled at my drama teacher and said that this was my first coffee and that it was like a rite of passage. He just looked at me and told me that he was glad it was a rite of passage that he was taking me on.
The actual award thing was boring, nothing happened.
he journey back was amaazing. I was in the back because Dan was navigating but he got us lost so we were cruising through Brighton with the windows down listeneing to Sugar Babes 'push the button' really loudly. It was so funny. Then it turned out he also had 'Fuck It (I don't want you back)' on his ipod so we listened to that (its a british song, if you haven't heard it search it on yahoo or something) and we were all singing along really loudly and it was the best moment of my life.
Now I can't stop drinking coffee (I didn't get to sleep until three in the morning last night) and I have set the Eamon song as my myspace music. I've also changed all the music on my ipod, a lot of it is now songs we listened to that day.
Since then I have started a book thing. Its not like a diary really, but in many ways it holds the emotions that many people's diaries hold. Its just quotes, things that people say and some things that I say. Here's some of the stuff from that day:
In Costa: "How do I drink it? Do I just pick it up?" (Me- about my coffee)
"Yes." (Dan and drama teacher)
"What? All of it?" (me)
In the car on the way back: "This is perfect, I wish we could drive like this and listen to music forever" (me)
"You'd get bored" (drama teacher)
"I swear I wouldn't!" (me)
In the foyer at the award place: "They took Noddy of air." (Dan)
"Why?" (Me)
"Because it was racist" (drama teacher)
"I could have sworn it was because Noddy slept with Big-Ears!"(Dan)
Sunday, 17 June 2007
Life Realisation
I want to travel, I don't want to be in any one place for too long.
Nowhere is home
I belong to the world
Nowhere is home
I belong to the world
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